Strange New Old Feeling

Dear Fifi,

I was just about to turn off the laptop and lie in bed and blink at the ceiling. I know I’m not turning the air-conditioning on that’s why I’ve already opened the windows. Don’t know about lighting the aroma candle or not. It smells lovely.

But I decided to write down about this strange old feeling that I’ve been facing for a few days now. It’s called procrastination. Where you have many things to do but you don’t want to do it. I don’t know why. Is it because I have a trip coming up soon so my head is there already? This work is important to me yet why am I not getting anything done? It’s strange, isn’t it? I’m not a procrastinator, I know. I get my work done when it’s supposed to and I get them done with pride.

SIGH. I don’t know. It’s like I’m stuck with lack of information. And it’s not that I lack information, somehow fear also accompanies it, not being good enough, etc. It happens to me too. As confident and “strong” people say that I am, I am only human with these thoughts. But that’s okay. I know that I’m not going to stay with this feeling forever. I don’t have to do anything, I think.

All these while I get nothing done because I’m trying to get something done. Wow what paradox is this? That when you fill your thinking with too much things, nothing new comes in. Oh well.

I hope to go to sleep and new ideas will come in.

Good night.

Love,

Fifi

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