Who I Want

When the issue of “love” is brought up to me
I listen to their words in confusion.
Why do I have to open up to love?
My physical heart may be the size of my fist,
(the fist I sent flying to the arms of people)
but my spiritual heart is infinite.
Love to me is defined by care, kindness, helping,
a clear connection with another being;
no walls, guards, or expecting only fun,
therefore it makes no sense to limit it to one.
My Love is not a vessel or a barrel.
My Love is the ocean that fills our world.

So, I love everybody. My ears work,
my hands open, and my smile available.
What I believe they want me to “open up” to,
is romance. Not love. I already have love.
Their idea of love means devoting self to a man,
sharing bodies, toothpaste, fries,
an umbrella, …life.
My idea of love means loving.

I do admit returning to an empty hotel room
waiting for the next flight, receiving an exciting news
wishing I had someone to share these alone moments with.

But it’s a want. Not a need.
I want a new car. But I don’t need a new car.
I want someone to be excited for me. But I don’t need him.

So I can’t find a reason to need “romance” in my life.
Comes in the argument of children and my biological clock.
Same case. What do I need children for? I don’t.
For now, they say. Old age will come and haunt you and
you’d wish you had children to help you.

Ah, okay. That part, ouch, though I am confident
The Pen has already written everything for me.
Old age, wealth, security, are really none of my concerns.

“Open up your heart,” he told me.
“Am I not talking to you?” I asked him. I’m open to anybody
who talks to me. I respond. I’m not closing any doors, am I?

I just don’t share my body, toothpaste, fries, umbrella,
and life with just anybody.

I might, if I found someone I would like to share my private
intimate moments with, if he held qualities I see my children
applying for themselves.

Here’s who I’m looking for:

He who sees the best in others,
that even when physical pain is inflicted on him by the other
he rises because he knows more pain is inside the other.
He can feel hurt, but he knows where it came from;
he doesn’t roll around helpless in the mud of disaster;
crying victim of the changing weather.
He gets up, takes a shower in the rain,
knowing getting dirty is a possibility,
and so is staying clean.
He understands, as he realises,
Weather, currents, and sunshine, are a part of life.
He knows that nothing belongs to him,
so he cares for each being with love.
Gentle, thoughtful, gracious, worry-less, kind.
His wealth he shares, his knowledge he is humbled,
his wisdom he is quiet, his intelligence is benefited by all.

If you think you’re that kind of man, or if you know who suits me like this,
then feel free to introduce me to him. Or him to me.

Till then, goodbye.

Leave a Reply