I think we’re misunderstanding love.
Love to me is a space inside of you that you keep clean, off all judgement, negativity, hatred, about another person. When you understand that everybody has something else in their minds, a reason for them to act on impulse or why they do what they do, then you’d find yourself incapable of hating or disliking them. In that way, I honestly say I love everybody. Don’t send more hatred to a person who already fills his world with it.
There’s my security guard who gets excited when he sees me. I drove and waved at him, thankful that he would want to share his smile with me, making my drives out of my neighbourhood so much more pleasant. I chose to live there because of the beautiful view, but I believe now it’s the security guards that make it so lovely.
On my way to a business meeting, I drove to my mechanic in my old vicinity (about 20 minutes drive away) where I feel this space of love again. It’s just already there. Sometimes you can feel it, sometimes you don’t. Who I would like to be this space of love, peace, and comfort for everyone. The mechanic was happy to see me too, as I was happy to see him. My parents think it’s because I’m a woman, but I honestly don’t think it’s because of that. Half of the world is women! If it’s true that women make men happy, then all men should be happy.
We often confuse feelings of at ease with romantic love.
So my mechanic, not good looking but dresses really well (surprising for a mechanic), tried to ask me about my romantic life.
“I’m going to meet people.”
“You mean your boyfriend?”
“No, I mean people as in people I barely know, for a meeting. I don’t even have a boyfriend.”
“WHAT?! You don’t have a boyfriend?!” he exclaimed. “Well, neither do I.”
“You don’t have a boyfriend?” I teased him.
“I meant I don’t have a girlfriend. Nobody wants me.”
“Well, I think that’s because you don’t go out.”
I diverted the topic to find out more about him. We talked a couple of months back about where he was from (Pahang). He was about two years older than me, stopped going to school at 8 years old and learnt things by watching how it’s done.
“You live in the shophouse over there, don’t you?”
He said yes. He was so simple, so innocent, unpretentious, as he shared with me how he shares the bathroom with other people who lived in there.
“How are your housemates like?”
“I don’t know. When I get home I just stay in my room.”
“Friends? Do you have any friends here?”
I was curious.
“Since you came here many years ago, you don’t have friends to hang out with?”
“Nah, I’d rather not. It’d be difficult. You have to bail them. Another mouth to feed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I have a job. Having a friend means he thinks you could help him if he has no money.”
Isn’t that amazing what friends meant to him? I realised I don’t have anybody I can call up to have coffee with either. Then I realised I have had the experience where a woman whom I thought was my friend called me up to borrow money. I lent her, and she blocked me everywhere. Her life is probably in misery and one day if the realisation comes that it’s not right, she will realise it. If not, she’s going to keep doing what she thinks is best.
But imagine what it’s like when you mention the word “friend” and negative labels came with it.
I feel like buying something nice for him and asking him out to lunch or something, but I’d rather not in case he might think I “broke” his heart or that “nobody wants” him.
I just listened to him and thanked him for fixing my car.
Before I left he told me, “Drive safely. Think of the people who love you.”
Instead, while driving, I thought about how I could tell him about his capability to love, and how he’s loved already. If not by the girl he specifically had his mind on, at least by me.
Not a romantic love, but by a universal, friendly, good space kind of love.
But since we all misunderstand love, I’ll just chat with him when he fixes my car to let him enter a good space himself.
Understand that the good space did not come from me. The good space is already in you.